Spiritual Desert: Part One

I recently was meeting with a woman whose life is out of control. She is a recovering alcoholic, is the mother of three children, and is currently finalizing a divorce from her husband of 18 years. She is in a very fragile place right now. She is lonely, confused, hurt, and angry that her life has taken this unexpected detour. Let's face it...no one enters into a marriage with the understanding that divorce will be the inevitable outcome. When a marriage ends, both people experience the same kinds of emotions as when a loved one dies. The feeling of loss and grief is the same thing. For this woman I listened to, she feels like she has spent so much time and energy fighting this battle alone and without God around her. It's as if she is in the desert all by herself, trying to survive by her own will power and strength. What she admitted to me the other day was, she has finally come to the conclusion that she cannot do it anymore and she is desperate for God.

Life has to be difficult and without too many options to be desperate enough to seek out a dependence on God. I know too many people who live life on their own terms, pretending to believe that if they just believe in themselves hard enough, they can get through any circumstance in life on their own. In a sense, they have given up on the institutional church because they refuse to believe that there just might be a community of people who loves each other enough to accompany anyone who has need through any choice, challenge, or compromise life throws at them. There are actually people who choose to love each other enough, walking with each other so life does not become a desert place? YES! I know some of my skeptical brothers and sisters are tuned into their own cognitive and philosophical know how to try and reason that the goodness of each other is not exactly dependent on belonging to a community centered around Christ. They would have me believe that there are inherently good people without the need to be Jesus followers to be the pre-requisite in order to help anyone. Being good does not necessarily and automatically make one empathetic, compassionate, forgiving, or loving. There are many good people who choose to believe in the values of humanity rather than be informed and inspired by the values of the kingdom of God. Those values teach that living life is not ego-centric. Ego-centricity is relying on your own intelligence to somehow find fulfillment and value in what you make of life. The focus is on what we do.

Being in a desert place may be the result of choices we made. Perhaps we find ourselves there because we made some poorly thought out choices. We just didn't see the ramifications of our living, and so we find out just how desperate we are when we stand in that desert. Perhaps we find ourselves in the desert because of no choice of our own, but rather choices were made on our behalf and we are now there. I think of people who lose a job - are they in the desert because they want to be there? Only if they were an inefficient employee. But, most people who lose a job may find themselves there, not ready to be there, because that journey was not expected. However we find ourselves in that spiritual desert, we are there. We can stay there, be angry at God for what we think is His mistake and turn our backs on Him only to stay there living in isolation, desperation, and confusion. Or we can meet God face to face in the desert we are standing in.

See, I do not believe being a spiritual desert is a bad thing. I believe we are there for a reason. As I type this, I feel right now in my life, as if I am there. I do not know how I got here, but since Christmas, I have been feeling a bit tapped out, tired, just empty of ideas, and not all that sure about how effective I am as a pastor. That's my own self-assessment talking I know. I would be worried if I never questioned my abilities, confidence, or competence while on the job. There are too many arrogant pastors already out there who never worry, trust me. But, for some reason, I am there. Is my desperation for God any different than the woman I talked to? Not really. We are both looking for strength, nourishment, and hope. Perhaps I will recover some day, find my way out of this place, and drink from the cool waters of confidence, enjoyment, future, and creativity again. BTW, if you want to know what the book is above, check out Soul Survivor by Mike Pilavachi...an amazing read. I am reading it again, and right now, feel like I need to read it and be reminded that somehow, a desert can create a greater dependence on God. That's my hope.

Suicide, Salvation, and the Church!

Recently, I got an email from a friend of mine who was curious about what a church's response might be in offering a funeral for a suicide. She asked me because a friend of a family that friend knows, whose daughter took her own life, approached a roman catholic church who refused to offer a funeral service for them. The church denied them a chance to celebrate that loved ones life! Now, in my experience, I have had to bury people under the most tragic of circumstances. The second funeral I ever had to perform was for a business man who was severely depressed and ended his life with a twelve gauge. What was tragic about his life is that he had everything a man could ever want or need in this life, yet he chose the ending of it. As tragic or as expected as they may be, funerals are meant to be a time in which families can be comforted in their suffering by and through the hope of Jesus Christ who defeated the last enemy, that being death itself. People need to be surrounded with hope and compassion. People want to be comforted no matter what the circumstances of death may be.

In the case of a suicide, the church ought to respond as it would for any death. Offer a funeral in the name of Jesus Christ, preaching the resurrection of hope and life. When churches refuse or restrict a family in their grief by not offering a funeral for their loved one who died by their own hands, that church is not living as the church. It is not being the church. The church should be a community who gathers together to offer life, comfort, grace, and forgiveness among each other. The church should be the type of community where people can grieve their loss without having the added burden of feeling like that church is unable to welcome them because the church cannot deal with such a taboo subject like suicide. When churches write themselves into a corner by how many restrictions they place between themselves and a grieving family, they are behaving as modern day Pharisees: people who would rather pay more attention to the details of what's right and correct, than what's compassionate and needed. When churches care more about the details of who belongs and who does not in life and in death, the church is nothing but a gate-keeping organization of people who think they know what's better for the sake of others. I'm fairly certain churches who behave this way, do nothing but piss God off! Hey churches, do you not know that as soon as you encircle those who are in and who are out, Jesus Christ will always be on the other side of that circle?

Obviously, the hesitation for churches in not offering a funeral for a suicide, is based on the entire notion of salvation. When salvation is only seen as something we can accomplish through our own means as if we can achieve salvation, we deny God's initiation to save us first. We deny the action of God as if God is somehow removed from the whole promise of salvation to begin with. Yes, I believe we live lives of faith to become more like Jesus Christ. We live to be more like who he is as opposed to not fitting more Jesus into our lives. To live as a follower of Jesus is to live the marks of discipleship in a way that not only changes who we are, but betters the world around us by being the people God designed us to be. We do respond to the love of God yes, but to receive salvation entirely by our own merit, is to base salvation on what is referred to as "works." Martin Luther called it works righteousness (this topic is one of the reasons why protestants and roman catholics differ, and this added to the reason to split from the RC church some 500 years ago...thank God in my opinion). As if based on our merit alone, we can earn salvation. Again, it denies the action of God.

Salvation is offered to all people in this life yes. But is salvation guaranteed after death regardless of how a person lived? None of us should pretend to know that specific answer, since none of us as ever experienced that. Maybe how we answer that question, it's becomes a matter of what our experience of God is during our lifetimes. If we see a God who is judgmental and rigid about order and the details in life, then we will see salvation the same way. We make salvation out to look like us. If we see God as a God of compassion, love, forgiveness and grace which is God's unmerited favor, we then have a chance don't we? Anyone of us can be loved in life and I believe even in death. Isn't that the point of the resurrection? To prove to anyone that life is not found on a cross, but in an empty tomb. An empty tomb proves how much God loves us even after death because death is defeated! We believe in Jesus Christ because of the empty tomb. Had he not rose from the dead, we would not not be talking about Jesus. He would be just another silenced rabbi the Jewish authorities silenced and the Roman state killed under the sentence of political subversion. Yet, because he broke the bonds of death and rose, he opened the way of life for all people, people who believe in their hearts that he is alone the savior of the world. That does not mean that getting it right, is necessary! In fact, most faithful people I know are the opposite. They are the most gritty, colorful, outspoken, brutally honest, questioning people I know. They are full of doubt, and for them, faith is about a journey because as they understand, faith seeks understanding. Faith does not assume it.

I think it's sad when people who should know better look to the rule-book first, denying a person the chance to celebrate the life of their loved one. I think it's sad when hierarchy assumes they know just how salvation works in life and in death. Frankly, to assume that is to play God. And I in no way shape or form am ever comfortable in assuming I know God well enough to BE HIM! I work for Him, but am not Him. He has final say. I do not. I will do what I can on this earth with the time I have to do what I believe he wants me to do. To offer His love to all people, and in the name of His son Jesus Christ, offer forgiveness, preach, teach, offer communion, and promote and live as best as I can, a life of grace for myself, my family, and the people I serve. I am just a man trying to do what I can, and through my gifts God gave me, I try to live so that others may find that being in relationship with God is the best possible way to live. And once I die, my life and death is in God's hands. And I would like to believe that the promise of the resurrection, the eternal life that Jesus opened the way to, is given to me as it is for each person Jesus Christ rose for. Maybe, some might say I am way too universalist about this...that ALL people are saved through Jesus. That kind of belief voids our participation in faith as if it's all for nothing. But faith comes out of a trusting and reliant heart that tries as best as it can be, to be in relationship with this Jesus-shaped God. I don't think faith is worthless. Faith is a beautiful motivation for us to believe, to trust, and to rely on the love of a God who is a constant presence, a friend, and a counselor, and a Father. For that faith I seek, I am thankful. Besides, I would rather be just a tad bit universalist in trusting all people are given salvation, than in trying to pretend I know who rightfully earns it and who does not. And if I'm wrong, well at least I had hope in the resurrection during this life as best as I could muster it. That's given me joy and strength to live my life brand new each day. For that alone, I thank God. More later...