Song Of The Day

This is such a great song by Marillion!!! Brings tears to my eyes each time I hear it. "Beautiful" makes me think of all the beautiful people and friends, love and passion, faith and stuggle that I am blessed with. Especially now that he is gone, this song makes me think of how beautiful Bram was, and how a song like this really describes his heart and how he saw beauty in everything! Anyway, I hope you like this song too... Sit back and close your eyes...listen. More later...

Last night, after confirmation was over, I took our babysitter home. My son was with me of course, as I did not think I should leave him home...I mean he is a responsible three year old, but come on. BTW, the going rate today for the average teenage babysitter... Holy crap! I am not cheap, but it is ridiculous what the average is around here (Average is $7/hr.) Anyone else know what your average is? Anyway, I took us both to McDonald's for some dinner. I ordered my 10 piece nugget meal and got my son a happy meal. The teller was of course forgetful with everything in my order, so I reminded her about the three things she forgot. This amused her I think, that I would have the nerve to actually ask her to give me the things that she herself forgot to pack into our meals. What an ass am I! So, my boy from his car seat asks for his toy. I grab this bag and I try to identify what the hell is in it. McD's is running their Shrek 3 DVD release promotion, and so it's no surprise that what I opened up was the gingerbread man from the movie. He is dressed in holiday garb. My question is this: when did McDonald's toys turn into the cheapest, worthless excuse for pieces of crap? This stuff is now inexcusably horrible.

We got home and my son looked at me with this plastic piece of shit as if to say, "what the hell do I do with this now Dad?" The head of this gingerbread man comes off, and reveals these paper cards, nine of them in all. There are three cards that if laid from top to bottom in the right order, will actually reveal who the character is. The cards are kept in the bottom half of the man, but that's not the weird part. Apparently, this gingerbread man is a game in and of itself. In the back of him is this plastic flip up button. With the head off, you are to hit the button real hard, it flips the cards out in a big mass. The goal is to match the cards based on how they hit...or some lame explanation that I read. Even I am confused about the stupidity of this toy.

I remember back in the day when these fast food chains would have really cool toys, especially McD's and Hardees. At McD's, there was always some really cool matchbox car or Lego toy, or Star Wars figure. Hardees had their own version of a racing team...they put out a white pick-up, a white race car, and the orange trailer you could hitch to the pick-up to pull the race car. That was the coolest! My parents went to Hardees for three weeks in a row so I could collect those things. Long gone. But, I scored a well used set on Ebay last year. I remember collecting all sorts of cool toys from these assorted kids meals. But, now the stuff they try and give our kids is crap! Plastic, cheap, confusing, worthless junk my son loses interest in by the next morning. I say McD's needs to undergo a major renovation with their Happy Meal marketing dammit! NOW!!! I am now boycotting McD's on sheer principle. Bring back toys that matter, that are innocent, that are built well, and make kids drool with anticipation for the next one. Until McD's does this, I am not taking my kid to that emporium of bad food (nuggets excluded of course), bad service, and bad toys! Anyone else with me dangit? Grab your torches and let's go burn 'em down!!! Or at least, write nasty letters exclaiming disgust and offense that our kids are taken in by their shotty knock-offs we now look at in disbelief! Call me dramatic here... That clown doesn't scare me! More later...

Happy Birthday My Brother...

How's the turkey cake up there?

Miss you...

Quiet Riot Singer Dead!

I just read this as I was logging on to check email. I cannot believe this. Quiet Riot was one of the very first metal bands that I ever obsessed about back in the sixth grade. I remember sleeping over at Jason Mackey's duplex while his Mom was working. We would crank his vinyl copy of "Metal Health" learning every word on that album. To this day, I pretty much remember all the lyrics whenever I listen to it! How many of us ever headbanged as we heard the kick and snare drum begin "Cum On Feel The Noize? Admit it...you did. Kevin DuBrow had such a distinct voice...I mean when I listened to the song "Love's A Bitch," I could hear his pain and perhaps his hate of it. Kevin's voice was so good. Strangely, I remember just moving into our new house on south hill, and I was in my room. I was actually listening to Metal Health, and I was inspired by the cover art to it. So much so, that I drew the mask from that album on my wall next to my bedroom door. Even though this was not very popular with the parents, they let me keep that drawing on the wall. That insane guy wearing the mask on the initial albums, was of course modeled after Kevin's persona. This is a terrible loss. One of the great voices of heavy metal is silenced. Awful. I cannot imagine what may have killed him...at this point it's too early to know. I know though, that the "12 year old" in me is sad that he's gone. RIP Kevin... More later...

Got a call at 4:30 this morning from the fifty-something parishioner of mine that I spoke of in my last post. She called to let me know that her "husband" C. had died at about 4:10. He took his last breath and that was it. I am relieved for her that his suffering is over finally. But, I am also so sad for her...losing her "husband" the day after they got married. I am so glad that I got to marry them both in the eyes of God and commune them. That was one of the coolest things I have ever been privileged to do. I was so honored and blown away by that whole experience. It's been very moving to be a part of this family's life in this moment. I guess I have a whole different perspective now about death and the process of grieving it as it still feels very close to me. Bram's death changed everything about grief, loss, hope, and resurrection.

With C.'s death, I feel so connected to it, that I found myself crying this morning because it's close to me; these two people opened their lives to each other and to us at church and invited us to walk with them. Both of them loved each other so much...I remember C. saying numerous times in our small group, "I love this woman here so much...she has saved my life." It's that inspiring affirmation of what his life became that makes my heart break for his wife. I think right now, she just feels a sense of relief as I think it became difficult for her to maintain his level of care that he needed, and to be strong for him, has taken a bit of an emotional toll on her. I can't imagine this has been easy at all for her. In fact, I know it hasn't been. But, for now, she is surrounded by family, friends, her church, and we who love them both as we all grieve C.'s death.

I have to share with you something so awesome. My colleague showed up at the Hospice facility this morning (I had to get to church and prepare for service as I was preaching), and he described to me what he saw. Outside of C.'s room was this huge sign that was made by the nurses who all signed it, that read in big bold letters, "Just Married!" There were massive balloons hung there and it looked amazing! When I talked to K. (C.'s "wife") last night, she mentioned to me that the nurses also made she and C. a wedding cake of sorts and even had the miniature bride and groom on top of it. I am sure that those wonderful nurses and staff do not see that happen very often in that place...a wedding for a dying person! How cool is that?

My colleague and I are invited to lead the funeral this next weekend and I am honored to do that. It will be a difficult funeral to get through, but it will nonetheless be something very moving, very closing, and very hopeful for us all I think. It will be hopeful because C. was a man of hope and he was ready to as he said to me, "meet Jesus." I only hope I can be that ready to meet him. More later...

Some things about my day so far:

1) My in-laws are here for a few days. That's good. I like when they come down and see us. This year's Thanksgiving was just between my wife, me, and my son. It was a quiet gathering of just us. But, it was all good. Watched my beloved Packers kick the snot out of Detroit. Any surprise there? I like having family here at least to see their grandson. And, they brought some really good flatbread with them...so they can stay for a minimal charge I guess.

2) I got a call from a parishioner of mine this morning. She is a fifty-something woman engaged to a fifty-something man. They are engaged to be married...second one for both. They have grown up kids like my age. And could not be anymore in love with each other. They are cute to watch. The thing is, he is dying of inoperable lung cancer. The tumor has spread beyond anyone's expectations including his. This has been difficult to deal with as they are amazing people and basically found each other last year before he found out about all this. The phone call this morning was to inform me that he was now at the hospice care facility and that he probably is not going to live through the weekend. Went to church, grabbed by communion kit, and drove there. This is an amazing place, as it is also a very sad place. The architecture and ambiance here was very welcoming.

I found his room, and there sat this faithful fiance of his, rubbing his shoulders. Because of the pain and how the tumor has spread, he cannot lay his head down, and so he looks as if he is hunched over all the time...very uncomfortable. We sat there for a bit talking, more people showed up, and there were moments of silence. There was a discussion about how my colleague and I were asked by this guy to marry him NOW because of how little time he has, but then after has said that, he changed his mind, and thought he would wait. I mentioned that to his fiance, and she said, "Well, you are here, my friends are here, his friends are here, let's do it...let's get married in the eyes of God!" I loved that. Threw me off, but I loved that moment. It was beautiful. I prayed, they exchanged vows (well, she did, and I think he said what he had to say, but on the inside as he can't really talk). She kissed him on the head and that was that. We had communion, and said some prayers, and then had some time to just be together. It was amazing. I even met this guys three "brothers" best friends for thirty some years. They told stories and joked about this guy...I am sure he would have added to this session if he could've. Made me think of my three best friends...one of whom also died recently. It's weird to see that again from a point of view that you know the severity of the pain of loss, but then to know the bond those guys share too is all too familiar and close to me.

As I was leaving the building, I noticed a van pulled up with its back door open. I then looked left of that, and there was the body of someone who had recently died, draped with a quilt. The nurses stood there, some cried, and they let the funeral director put the body in the van. I stood and watched this from an entrance as I was about to leave. I don't know if I could work in the place like that, with so much death around. I mean, this is a place that allows death to happen as peacefully as possible, yet the horrible realization is that that's all they do there...is allow death to happen. Strangely, I have thought about becoming a chaplain...at least I know the ministry I do matters in that line of work. Conversely, I know that when I am with a family and their dying loved one, it takes this strange emotional toll on me. It's tiring yes, but I have learned to just separate it from me somehow. It's not easy. And as I write this, I am aware of the fact that I may have find some sort of strength to go back and be there as he takes his final breath. That would be alright...I know that the pain he's in now is no way to live, and that he needs to be relieved of his suffering. You know it's bad when not even a stiff shot of morphine cannot curb the pain anymore. We'll see if he goes soon...

3) On a lighter note, I am listening to one of my favorite music groups that I have only recently gotten into. They sound like a cross between Tool with Pink Floyd. They play heavy one second and then play this layered beautiful trippy music that is so good. They are called Porcupine Tree. This CD that I am listening to now is titled, "Coma Divine: Recorded Live In Rome." Amazing mix of their more atmospheric and rock in this live concert. All of these guys are intelligent players and are incredibly tight. Definitely check these guys out. "The Sky Moves Sideways" is also really cool....very spacey and relaxing. More later...

Sermon DONE! As of 3PM today, I put the final period down! Check out our church website at www.stjohnsoregonwi.org next week to listen to it. Trust me, I am no Billy Graham, but then again, he is no ME! More later...

I went to our local food emporium this morning to get last minute items needed for the big feast this afternoon. Important items like condensed evaporated milk so that my favorite pie could be assembled...can anything top banana cream pie? Anyway, I noticed that the store was packed full of other guys doing what I was doing...buying last minute items their wives told them to go get. I paid for all that. Drove my cart towards the exit. The exit is two doors side by side, this sort of airlock, and then another side by side double doors. In that "airlock" is a bulletin board where people from the community put their postings, job offers, babysitting numbers, lost dog posters, and any other assorted attention getter.

As I made my way through this, I noticed a picture that got my attention. There on top of all the other outdated pieces of paper, was a picture of a turkey. Above it read the caption, "got tofu?" And on the bottom of it read, "save a turkey!" Now, I tend not to get my big boy pants in a bunch about these sort of animal rights freakezoids who try to change my mind about the ethics of co-habitation with animals and their doomed fate of ending up on my dinner table! That said, I thought to myself that most red blooded American people, especially on this day, are going to eat of the sacred bird because it is oh so good. Unless of course, you are a raging vegetarian, and think that tofurkey is more appetizing! Why if they are so good, would I want to save just one? I want to eat one! And, can someone tell me what do turkeys have to live for anyway? Not that I am a cruel inhumane jerk who believes we are superior to them (perhaps we are), but what the hell do turkeys do, how do they live, do they have a health care plan or a 401K that helps them retire into the twilight of their lives comfortably? What would I be saving a turkey for? My own conscience?

I think they are meant to be eaten well just as the billions of chickens that are alive at this moment. They will eventually end up cooked or grilled to fill appetites all over the world. Both birds are yummy and quite healthy for us. I would much rather chomp into the sacred beloved turkey than suffer the dripping, wet mass of indescribable taste and horrible digestion of tofu! This would make me violently ill and would require a stomach pump at once! God bless the turkey...and the succulence it exists for. Ahhhh! Is there anything better than a bit of cooked turkey skin drenched in butter piled atop a mass of future sandwich meat? Well, maybe Gino's East pan pizza in Chicago... But that's a whole other post! Happy Eating Turkey Day people! Screw Tofu! More later...

Today, I was on kid patrol so I had to watch the boychild as my wife was teaching today. I forgot how much he is a typical three and I am an old thirty-three. We tend not to watch the same TV shows religiously. He wins the fight since I do not want his air raid siren cranking volume in my ears. But here are some things that I noticed today that I find a bit disturbing about his shows. Bear this in mind if your child is obsessed with these programs.

1) What is up with the Doodlebops? I cannot stand this show...the show follows the same pattern everytime. They all sit in their playhouse, Mo pulls the rope, the large and in charge lady comes out, there is some kind of issue, they hop on their school type tour bus which inevitably flies or is rocket powered...and the busdriver is some overweight hippy. They get to their mock concert where throngs of kids sing along and of course the bops dance around and fake playing their instruments really badly. I have been disturbed by this show since I first saw it. There is no creativity...none! Really bad Canadian actors trying to be way too happy is not my idea of entertainment. I have a theory too. I truly believe that Rooney is totally gay, and the other two are in denial about it. Am I wrong people?

2) Lazytown is by far the most annoying show I have ever seen...well, besides Max and Ruby! I am not sure about the puppets...they freak me out...kind of like when I was a kid and I would watch HR Puffinstuff on Saturday mornings, and be weirded out by Witchiepoo. Same thing. What I loathe about this show is that they use this really bad Euro-disco music throughout the show to make it enjoyable and danceable for the kids. I get this. But, I feel like I am sipping watered down vodka sours on Thursday nights at the T during the fall of 1995 whenever I hear that damn music...same stuff that I was subjected to then. Course Lazytown is made in Iceland, and I tend to think that Europeans think their disco is by far actually, listenable! Uh, might I remind them of Eiffel 65...that was so ten years ago and even then, it was BAD! The producers need to take note...stop with the bad music, and hire Paul Van Dyk to make music for your show. Now I would not only watch this show, but I would buy the soundtrack if PVD was the DJ! I would even explore the possibilities of making the anti-hero, Robbie Rotten become some sort of serial maniac puppet killer...that would suffice.

3) I was watching Spongebob Squarepants and I gotta admit, I love this show. It has so much humor packed into it for both kids and adults. But today I noticed something that I thought might have been strangely subversive about Squidword. The episode had Squid fired from the Krusty Krab and of course, Spongebob takes him in and looks after him until he thinks, Squid will have the confidence to look for another job. It gets to the point that Squid has overstayed his welcome and Spongebob is ticked. Squid calls for Spongebob to bring him his lemonade, comes into the bedroom with it, but Squid says to Spongebob, "Where is your uniform?" Spongebob slinks backwards and comes back into the bedroom with a French maid outfit on, ultimately revealing that there is no back covering to the uniform, so we do indeed see his underwear! Now, is there something about that scene that I find strange? Why not dress Spongebob up in a bear suit, or even Mermaid Man, but really, a French Maid? I think that Squidword is really into the master and servant psycho-sexual dynamic he wishes he could share with Spongebob. But, Spongebob is too busy with Patrick being his best friend and so Squidword lives in misery with his clarinet, dead-end job, sudsy baths, and bad facial cream!

Keep in mind this is how my own mind works as I endure children's programming. I just sat there and laughed about how my mind was receiving what I was watching. I had nothing better to do today either, well, except finish my sermon (see previous post), and get ready for our ecumenical Thanksgiving service at the local Catholic church tonight. Very cool experience. I think by the time that rolled around tonight, my mind was in a far better place... Now, I need a Tylenol and a tea. More later...

There are sometimes that I wish there was no such thing as a sermon. I love to be able to preach, but I have found that when I got nothin', when the mental tank is empty, it's difficult to actually say anything that remotely feels or sounds like, in a set period of time, words that are meant to uplift, empower, and/or challenge. I have not always been one to not have anything to say. But, at this moment, I feel like my life is has been moving so fast, and has accelerated to light speed this past week, that I have not actually had time to reflect on how I can even use a moment of my life as an example in this upcoming sermon I am to preach this weekend. SO, I got nothing.

For example, in the church year, this upcoming weekend is known as "Christ the King" weekend. It's basically a time in which we are told once a year just how Christ is the king of the world, as opposed to Jack extending his arms out on a doomed ship's nose. And so, in order to somewhat challenge me and to forgo the sheer boredom of this weekend (don't shoot...it's just my opinion), I chose to preach on the New Testament lesson from Colossians 1:11-20. The first four verses in this group do not add anything to the overall story, so I chose 15-20 instead. I have read the first chapter of Colossians since seminary and have never really grasped its full meaning. Try reading anything in Arabic, and you will know what I mean. And now, I am choosing to preach on six verses and it's almost driving me to drink...alot (strange dichotomy of wanting to drink and wanting to write a sermon).

At this point, I have written around eight pages and I have still not arrived at a point where I can begin to wrap it up...not that I am saying too much, but because I don't know where to go next. UGH! You know, it's like trying to write some kind of serious extemporaneous speech for high school senior English EVERY WEEKEND! I have found that when a sermon bombs, it bombs badly. There really is no sermon that is so-so. It either really holds together and is solid. OR, it is really painful to speak and to hear. Let me tell ya, there is no sensation in the world like when a sermon is falling flat and you know it. I just shrug my head and think I did the best I could. So, if any of you theologians, agnostics, or even atheists want to give me a hand at this awfully thick biblical text, by all means and under the grace of Kierkegaard himself, may it be preached with zero knowledge of how the hell to do so. Can you tell I am banging my head against the sacristy closet door on this one? Although, the sacristy holds the communion wine, so maybe a drink or two... Nah, I get my own big chalice full during church. I will wait 'til then after I have preached this doosy! More later...

I am really, really liking this new offering from Queensryche called "Take Cover." They basically covered a bunch of tunes that they all were inspired by, or just thought may be a challenge to cover, and so they recorded them. The strangest song they covered, but by far my favorite, has got to be"Heaven On Their Minds" from the Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack! Their versions of "Synchronicity II" and "Red Rain" are very cool! Heavy and groove oriented...this CD takes all of these songs that we know by radio airplay and just puts chunk and balls to every one of them! Definitely one of my favorite CDs to come out this year as it shows why Queensryche is by far one of the best technical, prog bands still doing what they were blessed to do. I am also using this as one of my workout CDs...it's that good! More later...

So, I have to tell you something that has perplexed me for the past day. Saturday night, I was in the bathroom attached to our bedroom, and after spending some time in there, I went to go for a drink of water. I have a plastic mug that I leave there for that wonderful refreshing quick gulp of water. This is no ordinary mug though see. This is my Texas Rangers mug that I bought when I was in Dallas because I was delusional thinking that because I was in Texas, I of course should be a Rangers supporter. God, what was I thinking? Anyway, there I was taking my mug, and I noticed that there was some water left in there from the last time I drank water. So, as I emptied the old water into the sink, what did I see come out from my mug? A mosquito!!! An actual little biting, blood sucking pest that should be long dead by now. But no! How he existed in my mug for a week or so was beyond me. Aren't mosquitoes supposed to be dead now that weather outside is cold? And if this pest made into my house, when did he enter? Had to have been a time when it was warm out, and we haven't had one of those in a while! How long has that damn mosquito been hanging around? And why did he think it was alright to breed in the confines of my cup holding my water? The nerve of that little creep! His fate you ask? He was slow to fly out and found that the wall could stop his mid-air escape, so I took my mach 3 hand and vaporized the mutha! Justice and vengeance was mine! I of course, am now freaked out to even drink out of my beloved mug, for fear that I might ingest mosquito eggs that could gestate in my stomach making me turn into one of them...trust me, I saw the movie, "The Fly!" I know what happens when bug DNA mutates with human DNA! No thanks! I am bleaching the hell out of my mug man! More later...

L to R: Derek, Me, Patrick, Bram, Travis, Phil

It's been one month since we lost you friend! I miss you and think about you everyday here. The world just doesn't seem to shine as bright anymore. You were my brother, and I will never forget that. You continue to inspire the best in me as I walk around with memories, words, and places you are. I look forward to seeing you again someday Bram. Until then, I hope you and Nietzsche enjoy the coffee and have some good philosophical chats. Miss you lots...

OK, seriously...enough with the damn Christmas commercials already. I cannot stand them. I even saw a Christmas commercial the day before Halloween this year. That is ridiculous! I know the economy right now sucks, and people are not spending the usual gratuitous amount of money they think they have, but give me a break. I love Christmas...I really do. But the stupid commercialization during this time of the year, when it may nice to think about what is important in living, is awful. It makes me vomit when I think about how retailers take advantage of the obsession our culture craves for gift buying! Not to mention that I somehow think that this is not what God had in mind when he blessed his Son with life that night. It's as if the commercialization of the holiday is saying, "Happy Birthday Jesus...thanks for making us money off selling loads of crap to the faithful!

I love the intimacy of Christmas, the need to re-evaluate my own life and how people simply become five all over again. For me, Christmas is a time of emotion, hectic schedule, and exhaustion. It's busy and this year is no exception. I don't mind though. But, Christmas makes me really all the more sensitive about how people become very greedy, very narcissistic, arrogant, and selfish! I think about how people would rather be happy than be faithful. I have heard that you can be both... But, I have also heard that "you can save money, but money can't save you." If money truly makes people happy, than I would hate to see what's really in their soul. If a person's heart is not changed by living a life that at least tries to see how generosity can change a life, then I would question their priorities.

For me, it all comes back to how retail companies fight for every last dollar they can squeeze out of the willing who scour the ads, watch the commercials, and crave the excessive giving and acquiring. I guess the almighty dollar's voice speaks the loudest for people who cannot hear the voice of God speaking up for the poor. I guess I am already tired of hearing the music, seeing the colorful blurs, and hearing the voice overs asking me to come and buy crap to make my Christmas the most meaningful. The ad above makes me sick...the manger scene with young parents, their newborn, and surrounding them is the latest in camping gear including the tent they are in... Trite and shallow imagery gets me to spend my dollars! Thanks you fat, sweaty guys who sit around all day, sucking down Dunkin' donuts, drinking bold coffee, taking amphetamines by the handful who love asking the question, "what would make me want to buy more?" Dinks! More later...

Workout Update Number One:
I woke up this morning with the best of intentions to actually use the now purchased machine of death (see previous post). And so, I got my best black T-Shirt out, pulled on some shorts, put my sneaks on, set the Ipod to Dream Theater's Systematic Chaos, programmed the treadmill, and I was off and walking!

Here are my current stats...
Minutes - 30
Calories - 134
Incline - 1.5
Miles - 1.42
Minutes per mile - 20.0
Speed - I bounced between 2.8 and 3.0

I can feel the fat sweating off! Dammit, all I want to do is to be able to fit into XL T-shirts again, and of course fitting into the regular size jeans! Plus, I want to be healthy...maybe that's why I am doing this, well, and for my son. Let's hope I can achieve some major loss! More later...

Dear God...we now own one of these! The pic is of the one we bought today, and then slowly moved it into our house. My wife and I pretty much said all the words that you are not supposed to say, but in that time period of actually unboxing it, unwrapping it, moving it from the tailgate down, moving it through the garage slowly, lifting it, er, cussing at it, lifting it again, wrangling it three times, moving it slowly through living room, allowing it to go downstairs to the family room one step at a time, and then slowly rolling it to where we could put it together, we both felt excited to try this new toy out. I hated the process though, to actually get the damn thing in my house! I figure if I go through that again, I will not need a frickin' treadmill! But, as the picture above does depict, it has a cool input for the Ipod, it actually holds my beautiful big boy body without caving in on itself, and is actually really quiet. It has a heart rate monitor on the front handles which is really cool.

I think I am going to use this because for me, I hate going to the gym to be with...uh, people. I am an introvert by design, and so for me, the last thing I want to do as I am already uncomfortable with my body anyway, is to be with a bunch of strangers who mostly look good, but who are trying to burn off that cheeseburger they had for lunch! Me, I am trying to burn off ten years worth! AND, I am already around a bunch of people by the sheer nature of my job, so I very much enjoy the moments alone...including those that I can actually use a treadmill and not worry about being too conscientious about how I look...not that I am as big as a side of beef, but that I have aged well through the wonderful world of crap I shouldn't eat.

I am looking forward to burning calories, drinking something as I go, and listening to really bad Euro-Trance music as I walk my 20 minutes a day! Wait...strike that! Maybe Trance is not such a good idea, as I may fall asleep on said treadmill and roll right off, breaking my ass in two, and forcing me to give up on its seductive tractor beam of "burn, baby, burn!" Any suggestions for music selection is greatly appreciated people...except you who breathes, eats, and sleeps country music. I shan't degrade myself in losing weight to be motivated by songs of tractors, my cousin, rifles, and beer! Seriously, don't even try to go there. Now metal on the other hand... Metal is the key to getting me healthy and of course keeping my heart beating. Try listening to any Dream Theater, Slayer, Serenity, or Queensryche song with a calm and collective pulse...I would say you are not alive at all! More later...

Song Of The Day: "Fragile" by Sting

Today, I wore my favorite black, zip up sweater. I wore it as I needed to look nice. I, along with the rest of my area clergy colleagues got our mugs shot today by the local paper as we are leading the ecumenical Thanksgiving service. I guess they want to know who we all are, or at least what our faces look like. But, as I stood there awaiting the guy to shoot, I had this overwhelming sense that I possibly look like Uncle Fester, what with the black sweater, the high neckline to said sweater, my bald head and bright personality. No, I did not have a light bulb inserted in my mouth...although that would be a cool picture in the paper! I always wanted to be Gomez anyway...as he wore the damn fine smoking jackets. More later...

Song Of The Day: "Eyes Of A Stranger" by Queensryche

I have to admit, that whoever designed these DW 9000 double pedals is a freeeeekin genius! I love to have these at my feet as I am pounding out my aggression on a Megadeth song or awakening the Holy Spirit on a worship song. Amazingly smooth, quiet, and responsive. For me, it's having the quality of something well designed, thought out, and built that actually makes me happy to play the drums! In fact, something like my "Dubs" (I know, I am not that cool to actually use this word, nor am I young enough to qualify its usage, but I gave it a shot) puts a nasty little grin on me face... It's as if perhaps, I have the same reaction as if I sip a glass of Jameson right out of a new bottle! AHHHHH! Perfection! Dang, now I am thirsty, and I am at work. Is it wrong to drink a spot of Irish Whiskey at church if you are the pastor, even though it may be 5:00 somewhere? More later...

I have been listening to Peter Gabriel ALOT lately! He has an amazing voice, the music is intelligent, and there is just something about the emotion that I sense he puts into the music that I can relate to. I feel emotional listening to him. One of the best live concerts I own on CD is his concert called "Secret World Live." So damn good!!! The eleven plus minute version of "In Your Eyes" is worth it alone! I have always wanted to see this guy live, but have not. I guess I bring this whole thing up, because Peter Gabriel makes me think of not only maybe a love of mine once, but my best friend Bram.

When I was a senior at Concordia, Bram had transferred to Moorhead State, and stayed there for a year. It was the best year I had of college. But, I remember Bram telling me about how he had heard this CD from Peter Gabriel and that I had to hear it, own it, and take it in. It was called "Passion." The music was written for the movie "The Last Temptation of Christ." So, because I was a big Peter Gabriel fan even then, I knew there wasn't much to lose, so I went to Media Play, and bought the CD. Called him up, and he came over. We were listening to it, and when the track "Passion" began to play, I noticed Bram close his eyes. And as the vocalist's voice becomes more and more emotional almost to the point of being painful, I saw Bram's eyes close tighter, it was if he could feel the pain of the vocalist singing this cry. The voice trails off and you begin to hear this undercurrent of rhythm and vocals build. I too closed my eyes then, and felt the death of Christ come through this song. Bram and I felt the music that day. We felt something beyond the music. It was if we were seeing the death of Christ together...

If there was one thing that alot of people may not have seen in Bram, it was that he was a very spiritual person. He and I had those transcendent moments that really surround and comfort the questions of why or how. I remember seeing him pray, seeing him lead worship, seeing him lead hundreds of kids in singing songs as loud as possible, seeing him take communion, sharing the roles of being Pharisees together, putting my arm around him and staring into a fire not saying a word, and seeing him close his eyes tightly while listening to a song depicting the death of Christ. Those are some of the wonderful faith-forming moments that make me thankful about what I do, and why I do it.

I love Peter Gabriel because his music takes me to a place that this world cannot touch, it doesn't understand, it fights me for, and wants to sanitize. I guess I want to hold onto that emotional innocence I feel connected with Gabriel's art. By this, I can see my life sharply contrasted by the loss of my childhood in the very death of my best friend who lived and died the same years Christ himself lived and died. I never want to lose a sense of myself because I grow old and scared to live a full life. I know Bram never lost himself to the world, to fear, to age. When I think of Bram, I think of Peter Gabriel giving the two of us the sense to feel emotion in music, in life, in spirituality. For a moment, that sense was as close to me as my blood inside. I wish I could feel that moment in its entirety once again. More later...

I am offensively, unadulteratedly, unabashedly, religiously, ferociously, willingly, unbiasedly, prayerfully, gleefully, and playfully addicted to one of the best inventions in this dark and dreary world: Lipton Cold Brew Tea in the nice family friendly pitcher size tea bags!
I think I need some therapy for my addiction... More later...

I heard this quote today: "Convince me that the movement Jesus began is more important than the institution people began." God, I wish churches would wake up and actually teach people that being a follower of Jesus is actually possible without judgment, moralization, or condemnation. The institutional church has given God a black eye and spit in his face because of course, people are the real gate keepers, right? What pisses me off is that we suck at being the church! That is, the church that Acts 2 speaks of...the kind of church that gives itself away to the poor, that actually loves people for who they are, that demands justice be voiced for those in poverty, or homelessness. This is the church that God dreams would be a reality for all people. I love John 3:16...it's a great verse, but I prefer the one after it. John 3:17 says, "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." If that's the case, why does the church (uh, why do "Christians") spend so much time then, condemning the world if Jesus came to save it?

I have friends who want nothing to do with the church, but they're curious about Jesus. The same goes for most younger generations...they consider themselves to be spiritual, but not religious. I would say I am the same way. I gag at the term religious, or religion. Too much baggage comes along with those terms. I wish the church would redefine itself into something that would change lives permanently. Instead, the prized commodity of "time" defines people's lives and are guarding it with their attention, commitment, and disassociation. People would rather come to church when it's convenient instead of it being a time of value and relevance in which their lives are built and restored in a constant process of being open to what they just might learn. People, esp. Baby Boomers on down, are incredibly disassociated from the church because the church has become lazy and dependant upon a false sense of stability. People want to know that their time will matter. Makes me sad... But, then again, the church being lazy and ignorant of its target audience, does not and chooses not to be relevant nor accepting of anything that remotely smells of "change." People are not going to come to church if the church is not going to offer people the tools, the knowledge, the skills and methods, THE COMMUNITY, in which their time will be less of a concern, but where their lives will be transformed into the kind of life that follows Jesus because it's the best and beautiful life they could have. Time is not so guarded when it is shaped by this life change we call being a student of the Rabbi.

If churches were smart, they would pray that God would do great things among them...that they expect God to do great things among them. Maybe it's a good thing for a church to be more concerned about the condition of its people than the condition of the institution. If people are hurting, address it. If people are unsure about committing to this Jesus, love them anyway and walk with them until they decide to commit. If people are uncaring about anything Jesus taught, teach them and expect God to open eyes and heart with his prying hands! See, I am convinced that hope is always possible for anyone. I know that some of my closest friends do not see any relevance or value in the church for them. I am sorry that I represent that corporate definition that hurts them. At the same time, I will live and die believing that hope is always possible for people to find their way to a church that loves them and accepts them for who they are because that's the way of relating to people Jesus put into practice.

Someone I was chatting with today told me he was tired of the institutional church and all of its unfocused bullshit. I agreed. He then proceeded to almost give me a prophetic acclamation. He told me that I should plant a church, because I have a passion for sticking my middle finger in the institutionalized church's smoothed over, fake smiling face...this face that does not care about people and cares about itself. Maybe some day... I do know one thing. I would leave the ELCA and not look back. Why? Because we are an aging church, a hemorrhaging church, and a lazy church. I have too much passion and inner-light than to allow the church to kill it slowly and take life from me. I have too much love for people and the condition of their hearts than the church's intolerance of people unlike them. God, I pray that you save your Son's church from those who would suck it dry of the life you want to bless it. Oh yeah, by the way, do you think you could send another flood, but this time, could you just take out all the churches and their national offices... Do you think that would help start your Son's church all over?

Two quotes from two very different people, but on the same page about the institutional church:

From the great deist, Thomas Paine in his work The Age Of Reason written in 1794! "All national institutions of churches...appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit."

From the great self-professed atheist Marilyn Manson in his catchy little tune, "The Beautiful People"
It's not your fault that your always wrong
The weak ones are there to justify the strong
The beautiful people, the beautiful people
It's all relative to the size of your steeple
You can't see the forest for the trees
You can't smell
your own shit on your knees...

More later...

There are a few observations about my day that I want to share with you, the ever curious and friendly few who would admire my penchant for the small and unnoticeable. So, here goes...

I went to St. Mary's Hospital in Madison today to visit a parishioner who was in the ambulatory surgery section of the hospital. Mind you, this particular section is on the sixth floor. I have never been on the sixth floor. I got off the elevator, turned to my right, immediately noticed the familiar smell of bread rising, and what do I see smack dab in front of me? A bloody Subway...an actual Subway there in the corner of the hall. I could not believe it. I have heard of hospitals having of all things, a frickin' McDonald's not far away from their cardiology department, but this was one of the most oddest and frankly, out of place things I have ever seen! Although, it is a damn good excuse to grab a cookie or four when you are visiting Grandma Snerd!

I actually bought a leather bound journal today... Now, I have been writing poetry, but it has been on the computer, for the sake of ease and editing. When I started writing, I used something similar to what I bought. Although a good friend of mine gave me that one. That is the one that I filled up with my friend Bram at Perkins (see few posts back with attached poem). I like this one. It is quite thick and leaves room for plenty of my strange observations, what I call poems, odd thoughts, quirky theology (I am thinking about writing a book about theology for people who don't like theology or church although, knowing a few people like this, they may not even care). Additionally, I bought a new book by one of my favorite mystics. "The Way Of The Heart" by Henry Nouwen. I have yet to read it, but heard a single quote from it, and knew I needed to read it.

Let me tell you how much I HATE Madison traffic say, oh around 5PM! Now, thank God I do not have to do that everyday! I would go berserk if I had to endure sitting in that mire of machine and human and gas! It sucks! I hate to imagine what traffic is like for other metropoli (yes, that's plural). I left the west side of Madison at 5:01. I arrived in Oregon some 40 minutes later. It normally takes a good fifteen minutes. Now, I know I don't have much ground to bitch on here, but I found myself looking around at other people enduring this slow torture. Everyone looks straight ahead as to ignore each other...we all have sunglasses on and we all have pissed off/looks of exhaustion plastered on our faces. I of course found a pastime that kept me busy...I found the tastiest bag of sunflower seeds in my middle console (dill pickle flavored...SPITZ!), and began to enjoy with an empty Lipton tea jar for the used carcasses. I listened to Queen and enjoyed the slow trudge, until I found my back road shortcut home...but, I will not tell anyone here. Muuwahahaha!

It was last night, that I was scanning my favorite channel - VH-1 Classic. And for some odd reason, they had The Cure unplugged showing from like 1991. I immediately stopped, and watched this incredible band play these melancholy songs on their acoustics, and I get a bit choked up, because this was the band that Bram and I would admire, well, obsess about, and in doing so, Bram tried to do his hair all the time like Robert Smith...he succeeded quite well, and tried to teach me the technique for the perfect ratted out hair. I tried it, but I could never get the full volume like Bram. We would sit in his room and listen to Disintegration over and over and over. We would listen to it, and as we would, we would pull out our guitars (mine and his Dad's) and we would listen by ear to see if we could play the songs. We did alright! To this day, I do have a difficult time listening to The Cure because of the memories associated with them. The day Bram died, I spent that afternoon listening to Disintegration. It somehow lessened the shock, but not much. Anyway, I like The Cure...well, anything after Wish sucks! And you know, Bram would agree with me by just nodding his approval! "Well, it's opening time down on fascination street..." More later...

I was scanning the TV channels the other night and found Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory on, and I began to watch it. I have loved this movie since I was a kid...to the point that I pretty much know every line in it. But, there was one line that caught my attention. After Violet Beaurogard blows up like a blueberry and she is rolled out of the inventing room to be squeezed, Willy asks this really strange question - "Where is fancy bred? In the heart or in the head?" I noticed that Gene Wilder is this sort of maniacal genius in the movie...I knew this, but all of a sudden I have a more sinister appreciation of the darkness of that movie. Remember the riverboat/acid trip sequence where they show the beheading of a chicken? Anyway, I leave you with this other odd line: "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker." I think Roald Dahl was definitely high when he penned the initial draft of this entire story...he had to be. And yet, how many of us love this damn movie? I do and I readily admit that I still get choked up when Charlie's Mum sings, "Cheer up Charlie..." More later...