As it's been since February since I wrote the last entry in the saga that is my spiritual desert, things have somewhat progressed as I am finding some renewed energy and direction as to what and where God might be leading me, namely out of the desert and into the life that He wants for me. As I am being led out of the desert, I have experienced that dependency on Him as I never have, and yet all that has done has created more questions and more intuitive sketches as to what it all looks like. Since last February, creativity as come and gone, leveled out, and come back for about a month, and is now circling around my calendar doing touch and goes here and there, but feels inconsistent. The throttle has been pushed forward, and the church's afterburners are turning and burning and we just started for the year. Yet, there are events and ministries I am excited to see take shape and hopefully be blessed to grow and be important for people in their own spiritual deserts or wherever they may be in their lives. I stand on the edge of desert and see this beginning to happen around me.
What's been a huge part of the journey for me into and out of the desert is trying to become more in touch with who I am, and why I am. Over the past couple years, I have changed for the better by releasing anger, letting go, not being consumed by resentment or lack of forgiveness. I have done some gut-wrenching work to be able to stand in the pulpit as one who is working on the very issues of life that I am calling people to examine for themselves. The consistency needs to be honest as to who I say I am. If I say I am a follower of Jesus, am I pursuing that life in examination of who I am, what are my motivations, how do I continue to live as a man of integrity for my family and for my church, how can I live a life of faith and not claim it as my own and all the opportunities that come with it all? See, many people want the Christian name only...it somehow makes them feel good. Yet, who asked the poignant question, "What's in a name?" Claiming to be Christian without accepting the opportunities or the choices for life that come with it, is wanting the free meal, but not honoring the dinner host.
I was sitting in a bible study yesterday, and this very idea came up in conversation: where God invites everyone to the come and celebrate with Him the life lived in the kingdom of God. Matthew 22:11-14 gives us this disturbing and very real picture of a person who comes to the wedding feast (the groom being Jesus, the bride being the church) where the king (God) is throwing a celebration, where all people are invited to present their best out of who they are. Yet, there is one man who comes without a proper wedding robe on. Like today, Jews at the time, would wear ceremonial outer garments (wedding robe) as an outward sign of celebration, love, and respect. It was their version of the tuxedo. This man shows up in ripped-up jeans with holes in the crotch and rear, wearing a Poison t-shirt ready to party. The king asks the man, "Friend, how is it that you are here without wedding clothes?" The man says nothing in response. The king is so offended by this man's lack of care by not even trying in the slightest to come and give his best, than he has him bound and thrown out into the streets. All this man cared about was receiving a free meal. He wasn't there to honor the king nor was he there to celebrate the union of Christ to his church...he was there for himself, and didn't care about anyone else regardless if he was invited or not. Needless to say, I don't want my life to be an examination of indifference to the One who invites me out of the desert and into the celebration that IS my life He gave me.
Standing on the edge of the desert with my back to it, is realizing that I don't need to live there. That desert does not define me. It does not weigh me down. It cannot kill me. It cannot paralyze me, and it cannot stop me from moving ahead. For me, it's coming out of that desert a wiser person and making choices that live aligned with the character and integrity of Christ himself. Maybe this search and struggle and eventual victory out of the desert, is necessary for me to be clear about the Spirit's prompting in my life. Because for me, coming to terms with that prompting has never come easy at a moment's notice. I have had to work at it, discern it, and spend some time seeking out advice from those amazing people around me who I consider truth-tellers; those people who aren't afraid to offer their observations and musings. I have found that when I try and make the journey by myself, that's when I get into trouble and look around and see no one else with me. That's when I begin to make choices that are not consistent with who I say I am. And that's not who God calls me to be. God calls me to live out of that desert experience as one who knows a dependency on Him, seeking His wisdom and counsel for my life, along with the people He knows are going to love me and tell me the truth even when it hurts. Because God knows as I do, my life as well as my salvation is at stake.
Right now, there is new direction, a new sense of drive, a sense of energy in my faith and my life that I haven't had in a while. And I think it's because I know what my life feels like and how it's lived without God or without looking to Him for guidance. I don't want that, and God doesn't want that for me either. God wants my life to be centered in His Son, for me to offer my best into the church so that others may be changed or blessed. Not that I have the be all end all power to change people, but that from the experiences I have, I offer those in a shared commonality of our work in progress to become the people God is changing us to be. Maybe, just maybe, people can see how God works in me, and that might allow them to look into themselves to see God working in them. Then again, maybe we all need is to get ourselves into the desert, for us to come out the other side, changed, renewed, cleansed and resurrected! Once we have been there, we may just become even more tuned into God's presence as He was there in the desert with us the entire time. The question is: Did we notice Him? How many deserts do we have to be in before we take notice of God and begin to look to Him for strength as He accompanies us out of them? How long will we stand there in those deserts before we give up trying to make it out on our own, raise up our hands, and surrender? Those deeply placed imprints of my feet are still in that sand, but I am no longer there. Thank you God!
What's been a huge part of the journey for me into and out of the desert is trying to become more in touch with who I am, and why I am. Over the past couple years, I have changed for the better by releasing anger, letting go, not being consumed by resentment or lack of forgiveness. I have done some gut-wrenching work to be able to stand in the pulpit as one who is working on the very issues of life that I am calling people to examine for themselves. The consistency needs to be honest as to who I say I am. If I say I am a follower of Jesus, am I pursuing that life in examination of who I am, what are my motivations, how do I continue to live as a man of integrity for my family and for my church, how can I live a life of faith and not claim it as my own and all the opportunities that come with it all? See, many people want the Christian name only...it somehow makes them feel good. Yet, who asked the poignant question, "What's in a name?" Claiming to be Christian without accepting the opportunities or the choices for life that come with it, is wanting the free meal, but not honoring the dinner host.
I was sitting in a bible study yesterday, and this very idea came up in conversation: where God invites everyone to the come and celebrate with Him the life lived in the kingdom of God. Matthew 22:11-14 gives us this disturbing and very real picture of a person who comes to the wedding feast (the groom being Jesus, the bride being the church) where the king (God) is throwing a celebration, where all people are invited to present their best out of who they are. Yet, there is one man who comes without a proper wedding robe on. Like today, Jews at the time, would wear ceremonial outer garments (wedding robe) as an outward sign of celebration, love, and respect. It was their version of the tuxedo. This man shows up in ripped-up jeans with holes in the crotch and rear, wearing a Poison t-shirt ready to party. The king asks the man, "Friend, how is it that you are here without wedding clothes?" The man says nothing in response. The king is so offended by this man's lack of care by not even trying in the slightest to come and give his best, than he has him bound and thrown out into the streets. All this man cared about was receiving a free meal. He wasn't there to honor the king nor was he there to celebrate the union of Christ to his church...he was there for himself, and didn't care about anyone else regardless if he was invited or not. Needless to say, I don't want my life to be an examination of indifference to the One who invites me out of the desert and into the celebration that IS my life He gave me.
Standing on the edge of the desert with my back to it, is realizing that I don't need to live there. That desert does not define me. It does not weigh me down. It cannot kill me. It cannot paralyze me, and it cannot stop me from moving ahead. For me, it's coming out of that desert a wiser person and making choices that live aligned with the character and integrity of Christ himself. Maybe this search and struggle and eventual victory out of the desert, is necessary for me to be clear about the Spirit's prompting in my life. Because for me, coming to terms with that prompting has never come easy at a moment's notice. I have had to work at it, discern it, and spend some time seeking out advice from those amazing people around me who I consider truth-tellers; those people who aren't afraid to offer their observations and musings. I have found that when I try and make the journey by myself, that's when I get into trouble and look around and see no one else with me. That's when I begin to make choices that are not consistent with who I say I am. And that's not who God calls me to be. God calls me to live out of that desert experience as one who knows a dependency on Him, seeking His wisdom and counsel for my life, along with the people He knows are going to love me and tell me the truth even when it hurts. Because God knows as I do, my life as well as my salvation is at stake.
Right now, there is new direction, a new sense of drive, a sense of energy in my faith and my life that I haven't had in a while. And I think it's because I know what my life feels like and how it's lived without God or without looking to Him for guidance. I don't want that, and God doesn't want that for me either. God wants my life to be centered in His Son, for me to offer my best into the church so that others may be changed or blessed. Not that I have the be all end all power to change people, but that from the experiences I have, I offer those in a shared commonality of our work in progress to become the people God is changing us to be. Maybe, just maybe, people can see how God works in me, and that might allow them to look into themselves to see God working in them. Then again, maybe we all need is to get ourselves into the desert, for us to come out the other side, changed, renewed, cleansed and resurrected! Once we have been there, we may just become even more tuned into God's presence as He was there in the desert with us the entire time. The question is: Did we notice Him? How many deserts do we have to be in before we take notice of God and begin to look to Him for strength as He accompanies us out of them? How long will we stand there in those deserts before we give up trying to make it out on our own, raise up our hands, and surrender? Those deeply placed imprints of my feet are still in that sand, but I am no longer there. Thank you God!
