Today I did something that I might regret, but I am taking the higher road and actually trying to do the thing Jesus would do. This morning, I finished a posting about a former church's website, and how I feel that their lack of professionalism, integrity, care, and consideration for me and my family's feelings and how that is blatant in how they have four pictures of me on their new wbesite. Now, I removed it because I know for me, I want to be the kind of person who is honest, yes, but is also spiritually led to do the right thing. The right thing for me, is to express my disappointment, frustration, and hurt to the web designer, and those who approved its content, but not be so punchy...although I really want to!

My hurt is about a lack of understanding on their part, and how posting pics of me might not be the best thing for them to do to promote themselves. Pics of me, and yes, a picture of my son IS NOT what I would consider honoring or valuing to the ministry that's there...it presents a false impression of what's not there. Namely, that I am no longer there. I am hurt that certain people are thinking of themselves and not about who might be affected by their actions. If I am so celebrated as a musician as it looks like I am on the website, why then was I given the not-so celebratory treatment of avoidance, mouths shut, and silent treatment? Why is the church so willing to avoid the truth to make themselves look like the "good guy" when in fact, it was one person and one person only, whose agenda it was to get rid of me, and he knows who he is and he has to live with that guilt and decision for the rest of his life. If he were truly a man of God, he would step up and admit that it was he who wanted me gone, instead of hiding behind his need to avoid any and all confrontation. But see when all you know your whole life, is how to avoid pain, you're able to free yourself from the difficult work of empathizing with the pain of others. Not once has he tried to reach out to me, and actually voice regret or apology. I guess I expected that. I have no idea how a man can be so entrenched in the environment as to not allow himself to notice that those around him want to see the real, honest, and authentic person God made him to be. But, for him, he shows what he wants, and those walls he shows are high, wide, and thick from years of his need for power, control, and manipulation. God help him. I truly do pity that man for what he thinks he's worth.

So, out of this clear sense of who I am, and who he is, and who certain others show themselves to be with their lack of integrity and care, I really am trying to pray for those few people who are genuinely clueless as to how this is another slow twist of that knife reminding me of how painful the circumstances of my leaving really was. I pray that God send the equalizing 2 by 4 of grace across their heads, as to wake them up and think about removing my image from a website of a place I am no longer at. Oh yeah, if you want to see what I originally wrote this morning, email me and I will send you a copy. More later...