Today, I was on kid patrol so I had to watch the boychild as my wife was teaching today. I forgot how much he is a typical three and I am an old thirty-three. We tend not to watch the same TV shows religiously. He wins the fight since I do not want his air raid siren cranking volume in my ears. But here are some things that I noticed today that I find a bit disturbing about his shows. Bear this in mind if your child is obsessed with these programs.

1) What is up with the Doodlebops? I cannot stand this show...the show follows the same pattern everytime. They all sit in their playhouse, Mo pulls the rope, the large and in charge lady comes out, there is some kind of issue, they hop on their school type tour bus which inevitably flies or is rocket powered...and the busdriver is some overweight hippy. They get to their mock concert where throngs of kids sing along and of course the bops dance around and fake playing their instruments really badly. I have been disturbed by this show since I first saw it. There is no creativity...none! Really bad Canadian actors trying to be way too happy is not my idea of entertainment. I have a theory too. I truly believe that Rooney is totally gay, and the other two are in denial about it. Am I wrong people?

2) Lazytown is by far the most annoying show I have ever seen...well, besides Max and Ruby! I am not sure about the puppets...they freak me out...kind of like when I was a kid and I would watch HR Puffinstuff on Saturday mornings, and be weirded out by Witchiepoo. Same thing. What I loathe about this show is that they use this really bad Euro-disco music throughout the show to make it enjoyable and danceable for the kids. I get this. But, I feel like I am sipping watered down vodka sours on Thursday nights at the T during the fall of 1995 whenever I hear that damn music...same stuff that I was subjected to then. Course Lazytown is made in Iceland, and I tend to think that Europeans think their disco is by far actually, listenable! Uh, might I remind them of Eiffel 65...that was so ten years ago and even then, it was BAD! The producers need to take note...stop with the bad music, and hire Paul Van Dyk to make music for your show. Now I would not only watch this show, but I would buy the soundtrack if PVD was the DJ! I would even explore the possibilities of making the anti-hero, Robbie Rotten become some sort of serial maniac puppet killer...that would suffice.

3) I was watching Spongebob Squarepants and I gotta admit, I love this show. It has so much humor packed into it for both kids and adults. But today I noticed something that I thought might have been strangely subversive about Squidword. The episode had Squid fired from the Krusty Krab and of course, Spongebob takes him in and looks after him until he thinks, Squid will have the confidence to look for another job. It gets to the point that Squid has overstayed his welcome and Spongebob is ticked. Squid calls for Spongebob to bring him his lemonade, comes into the bedroom with it, but Squid says to Spongebob, "Where is your uniform?" Spongebob slinks backwards and comes back into the bedroom with a French maid outfit on, ultimately revealing that there is no back covering to the uniform, so we do indeed see his underwear! Now, is there something about that scene that I find strange? Why not dress Spongebob up in a bear suit, or even Mermaid Man, but really, a French Maid? I think that Squidword is really into the master and servant psycho-sexual dynamic he wishes he could share with Spongebob. But, Spongebob is too busy with Patrick being his best friend and so Squidword lives in misery with his clarinet, dead-end job, sudsy baths, and bad facial cream!

Keep in mind this is how my own mind works as I endure children's programming. I just sat there and laughed about how my mind was receiving what I was watching. I had nothing better to do today either, well, except finish my sermon (see previous post), and get ready for our ecumenical Thanksgiving service at the local Catholic church tonight. Very cool experience. I think by the time that rolled around tonight, my mind was in a far better place... Now, I need a Tylenol and a tea. More later...